The Web Log of Counseling the Lord's Way - A Christian Counseling and Mediation Ministry

March 2009
« Jan    
Financial Problems can Kill Marriages.
Filed under: General
Posted by: DrWayne @ 2:06 pm

Every week couples show up to counseling facing one major conflict, financial difficulties.  Finance Issues are one of the primary areas in both individual and family life that causes problems.  It is a principal cause of divorce.  Failure to control finances is not a simple issue.  It is a behavioral, psychological and spiritual problem which involves emotions, needs, communication and knowledge.  We find that in couples counseling we can sometimes resolve a large portion of the marital discord by helping them to resolve their ability to control and discuss finances within the marriage.  Often couples begin marriage with very different views of finances, have no discussion of how finances will be handled, have little or no preparation in how to control  finances, have different ideas and expectations about what they should have or “need”, and have no boundaries or communication about who does what and how.  This is a roadmap for disaster in marriage; a key “marriage killer”. 

Often though, conflict over money stems from other individual or social problems that the individuals or couples have.  Money problems bring to light deep seated emotions or tendencies which were previously hidden from view.  In other words, financial problems may be just the tip of the iceberg signalling much larger family issues lying beneath the surface.  Financial adviors can often help couples or individuals straighten out their money woes or get on a better track of controlling where the money goes, but often those who are helped fall back into financial disaster because the deep seated problems beyond finances have not been identified and worked through.   Counseling the Lord’s Way and other Christian Counseling Ministries can often help look not only at the financial concerns but also at the current set of circumstances and relationship as a while, help establish boundaries, aide in communications and expectations and thus help with controlling both the important financial areas of life and other areas of behavior and spirituality that parallel or perhaps serve as a stimulus for financial issues.   Scripture addresses money and it’s use more than most any other issue in life.  Christ was concerned about your finances, not just because moneycan become an idol in itself, but because ones use of money frequently reflects behavioral tendencies in almost all other aspects of life.   Christ understood that if your life was ”right” that your finances would also be in order.   

 “Where your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.” Matthew 6:21  “Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce.  Then he will fill your barns with grain.” Proverbs 3:9-10  

comments (0)
Filed under: General
Posted by: DrWayne @ 1:41 pm

The Scriptures remind us that we are and will be accountable for all of our behavior when judgment time comes.  We will have to stand before the throne and be tested by fire.  Accountability is a biblical concept that many try to avoid by blaming others for our actions or thoughts.  But we cannot just pass off our actions to others, we must be accountable for them.  Once we accept and confess our wrong doings then forgiveness is available to us.  Mathew 6:14,15 says “For if you forgive men their trespasses,  your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men thier trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.   

Another aspect of accountability involves obtaining help in altering addictive or obsessive behaviors.  We often have to turn to others to help us.  That is, we become accountable to them to ensure correct behavior. Changing behavior is not easy especially when the behavior is well ingrained or is addictive in any way.  One of the primary ways to move away from addictive behaviors or difficult behaviors is to use an accountability partner who shares in helping you focus on what you are doing and the new behavior you seek to develop.  Both counseling and coaching can be sources of accountability.  They can aid you in acquiring the accountability necessary to make the changes you need to make.  Groups are another especially effective way to develop strong accountability

  Two can accomplish more than twice as much as one, for the results can be much better.  If one fails , the other one pulls him up; but if a man falls when he is alone, he is in trouble.  …And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecc 4:9-10, 12

comments (0)